three-oh, oh oh!

when i suffered my 26th birthday, i decided it'll be the last one i "celebrate". exactly then, (i was having a lunch do in viccuda) i got a phonecall announcing nor + man's baby arina's arrival across the road at the damansara specialist hospital. i spent the next one helping out with arina's first birthday party preparation. i'd probably do the same this year? (may i, mummy-o + daddy-o?)

call it a symptom of approaching the big three-oh, oh oh! (nope, now is not a good time to give that "age is just a number" talk. thanks very much.)

fine. no doubt turning 30 is only a barrier in the mind. it's not as if we'll suffer a combustion on the thirtieth birthday + we'd turn to ash or even that our braincells would suddenly frizzle away so that we'll start having spots of amnesia. it is purely an arbitrary milestone but one that inevitably leads to a greater reckoning.

jeng! jeng! jeng!

when i was young i never imagined that i would get to be so old. well, when i was young, i considered 25, old. (****** **** ****!!!) life stretched out before me, full of possibilities + without discernible limits. life, now, feels more like a roll of toilet paper that i've accidently dropped + am watching it disappear under the door, full of woe. (erk!) ok, fine. i exaggerate. (hey, you're reading words of a drama queen here.) but i reckon there is a nano technology of truth in the analogy. think about it, hmmmm ... or is it just me? (demmit!!!)

to be young is to be naive, optimistic, well even certain that our potential will be fulfilled in whichever field one chooses. often the means of the dreams do not have a specific shape but the ends are certain. fame, wealth, adulation + of course the attention of the opposite gender. (amboi! gatai no!!! ... hi hemsem! *wegra flashing her sexy smile* ... err ... sexy ke pun? :op)

of course, it's not all over.

but ... but the thing is napoleon was well on his way to becoming the first consul of france by the time he was 30. apparently, alexander the great had conquered three empires + was in the middle of destroying a fourth on his birthday. i wonder what would i be doing on my thirtieth birthday? go to subang parade's cold storage to buy myself a tub of ben + jerry's? (oits! i'm not 30 yet ok ... i still have a few more YEARS. what? you didn't get that ... Y.E.A.R.S. to go. thank you.)

let continue ... orson welles directed citizen kane when he was 26. the beatles had already disbanded before any of them were 30. nicholas leeson bankrupted the 227 year old british investment bank, barrings, when he was 28.

now lets move closer to home ... hafiz ibrahim directed his first petronas ad + used humour to deliver a message instead of the typical yasmin ahmadesque meruntun jiwa (was his the first?) at the age of 23. ada orang ni + ada orang tu are earning 5 digit salaries at 23 and 25 respectively. sigh!

but then again i suppose i should be more circumspect.

proust was 32 when he started writing. woody allen was 34 when he directed his first film. freud was 44 when he published the interpretation of dreams.

closer to home, both yasmin ahmad + fly guy were in their 30s when they started earning their 5 digit salaries. (betul ka hearsay ini?)

as we approach 30, we know that childhood has come to an end + yet we still cannot truly believe ourselves to be adults. sometimes our achievements do not match up to our expectations, our post-graduation life plan failed to materialise, we suddenly find ourselves in a different path altogether. sometimes we realise that the best opportunity or answers we've embraced have now become a burden. sometimes we hear a little voice whispering, telling us that we are mediocre.

don't get me wrong. i don't hate my life, though i'm way off my initial 'life plan' + i've had that moment of bliss, where i thought life's perfect. i have self belief but sometimes when i sit in a corner to reflect + asked myself what i've done, i have very great trouble finding anything that i can point to as something i am really proud of. i've read quite a few good books, seen more films that i care to mention, travelled to a few destinations, tried extreme sports, did some charity work, saw a few good plays, went for gigs, saw robbie williams in his blue boxers shorts, but none of them things would look too good on a CV. then again, is having the best CV it in life?

even as the years fly by + birthdays chasing one another, all moving at a rapid speed after starting at the corner of 25, i'm no nearer an answer. maybe i'm getting wiser, well, i hope i'm getting wiser. in the end, i'd have to quote alfie, where, at the end of the movie, he turns to the viewers + says "i don't know. life, eh. i mean, what's it all about?"

by the way, i think i'll now have to push my 'old' mark to a kadar umur yang jauh lebih tinggi, since now i'm a strong proponent of "life begins at 40".

have a good weekend in singapore, zeeks + tiena, not forgetting cikpijoh who's now in ceruk mana ntah kat the uk tu. :o(

i'm imposing a good weekend to all as well! :o)

something from maliq + d'essentials for you peeps...

"kangen"